If you’re looking for a Paruresis cure, you’re probably all too familiar with the emotional roller-coaster Shy Bladder Syndrome plays on your life. You’ll be out at the mall or cinema feeling relaxed, having a good time with your friends or family, then gradually, you feel a sudden urge to “go”. In the space of just a few seconds, you alter from feeling happy and free, to nervous and anxious. Now, I’m sure you’re extremely aware of this rapid change in your emotional state. However, have you stopped and thought about what you’re telling yourself in these highly-emotional moments? What I’m referring to is your “Self-Talk” and it’s incredibly powerful if used correctly, and vastly destructive if used incorrectly.
Now, there’s a particular type of cognitive therapy that’s concerned with altering the irrational “self-talk” that goes on in the mind, and is an extremely effective Paruresis Cure. The therapy is termed Cognitive Restructuring, and is very simple in concept. Basically, it involves identifying the negative questions and statements you present to yourself, and challenging them with undeniable evidence to prove that they just aren’t true. By doing so, the next time your subconscious throws a destructive comment your way when you’re in a public toilet scenario, you have ammunition to squash it there and then.
For example, one of the most common things a Paruretic says to themselves when at the urinal is “What if the guy next to me sees I’m not peeing?” Of course, this is destructive because it stops him from relaxing, and in reality, it’s just not logical; the guy a few urinals down couldn’t give a stuff as to whether the Paruretic is peeing or not! He’s got his own business to worry about!… That’s the undeniable evidence to challenge the negative thought.
If this is something you say to yourself, try replacing it with “No one even cares what I’m doing!”. When your emotions are running high, your “Self-Talk” becomes very powerful for one reason; it sticks. Think about it, you listen to a great song on the radio that makes you feel really happy. Hours later, you find yourself still singing the same song; it sticks! Leverage this to be your Paruresis cure.
So, what’s the method for applying this to your own Paruresis? Well firstly, you need to write down all the negative, illogical, inaccurate, and destructive questions and statements you tell yourself. Some will be able to do this by simply thinking about it now, others will need to recreate an anxiety-provoking toilet scenario to identify the dialogue. Once you’ve jotted down a list, go through each one in turn and seek evidence to prove it’s not true.
For example, if you’ve identified you regularly say to yourself “What’s wrong with me, I can’t even pee.” The undeniable evidence that you say to yourself is that “I pee all the time at home, therefore I’m fully capable of peeing here.” The trick is to find evidence that disproves the original negative statement.
For another example, maybe you regularly say to yourself “Everybody is noticing I’m not going”. Next time you go into a public toilet, stand at a urinal and deliberately don’t pee. Take a subtle look around. See how many people are actually noticing you. There’s aren’t any; there’s your evidence!
Now you’ve got your proof, apply your new, positive statements whenever you use a public toilet. When you walk in, your emotional state will be running high so tell your unconscious mind something powerful that’s going to stick, instead of something destructive. Challenging your irrational “self-talk” is an incredibly effective Paruresis cure; apply consistently and get lasting results.
